librarian2003 (librarian2003) wrote in fantas_magoria,
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Flash Challenge 1- Vampyr

There's *extra* homework? Sigh...

Okay, here's a look at what might be inside 'Vampyr'... Or then again, it might not...

Flash Challenge for Phantasmagoria : Welcome to the Hellmouth

The book that Giles produces to show Buffy is enormous. What else do you think is in Vampyr?

Author : Jo
Email : thelibrarian2003@yahoo.com

A fictional contents page. Or not.


Vampyr

Archivist’s note (inside front cover)

Vampyr is the property of the Watchers’ Council, and is microchipped for identification. If found unattended, it should be taken immediately to the nearest police station or, as a last resort, to a veterinary surgeon. Failure to do so will result in an enforced collection order, a fine not exceeding £2,000 and/or a sentence of damnation for a period not exceeding 30 years. Finders should beware of touching any red fluid, pieces of flesh, corpses (animated or otherwise) or suspiciously gritty dust that may be in the vicinity, for which the Council accepts absolutely no responsibility.

Vampyr is a compilation primarily of German, Hungarian and Romanian manuscripts, presented in the original languages (verso leaf) with English translations (recto leaf). In common with Archivist’s policy for all Council books, please do not scribble in the margins. Better people than you have tried to do that, and may now be inspected in drawers 7 to 26 in the Relics Room.

WARNING The sheet comprising pages 173 and 174 is the tanned skin of Prince Ladislaz von Esterhagen, taken from the back of the vampyr prior to dusting. Why this skin did not also dust is not well understood. Therefore, pages 172 and 175 have been imbued with certain magical virtues of preservation and provide a contained stasis field when they are closed around the Prince. Under no circumstances whatsoever should the book be left open and unattended at either page 173 or 174. Additionally, particular care must be taken not to read these pages other than under direct sunlight. Preferred practice is to use an active cross as a pointer while reading, ensuring that it is in contact with the vellum at all times. Do not bleed on these, or any other, pages.

In case of emergency, remove the book to the nearest church, position at least seven holy wafers over the front surface, and subdue Vampyr as required by use of an altar candlestick that has been recently sanctified. Then notify the Archivist immediately.


Contents Page

The following index is a temporary insertion pending updating and rebinding of Vampyr.

Sections

More detailed indices will be found in each section

Page 1 A brief introduction to using the translations

Page 63 A comparative anatomy – vampire v human, with passing reference to other life forms of which individuals are known to have been turned : sheep, goats, fish, mosquitoes, rabid dogs, etc.
(Included at the back of this section are dental analyses, metabolic reports, hormone activity reports, experimental results on sensory perception, and research reports on the limitations of the vampire’s healing ability. All of these remain speculative and incomplete.)

Page 189 Vampyrs in prehistory and in extant New Stone Age cultures

Page 236 Vampyrs in modern history
(Note: ‘Modern history’ here refers to the entire period from the settlement of Catalhuyuk, in modern Turkey, in 7,507 BC up to and including the death of the Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I in 1519 AD. The period 1520 AD onwards is indexed in Appendix A, which is written entirely in English, in the interests of conservation of rain forests and of small demonic beasts normally slaughtered for their hides.)

Page 739 A comparative study of vampire mythology

Page 1068 A collection of Vampyr prophecies
(A note absolutely must be made of all fulfilled or averted prophecies, including methodology and consequences. Send your reports to the Archivist immediately)

Page 1576 An analysis of aggressive and defensive strategies in the slaying of vampyrs, using case studies based on actual battles

Page 1722 Gallery of nocturnal infamy – images of the most notorious vampyrs.
(Note – in a volume such as this, updating is difficult. An appendix, and updated photographs and/or paintings are available at www.councilvamps.org/snaps In addition, a list of dusted vampires, and approximate date(s) of demise, where known, is given. In view of possible uncertainty, misidentification or mystic reincarnation, please do not deface this book by trying to score through portraits, or pasting others in.)
(Further note – the Archivist is aware that a not inconsiderable number of the portraits are simply silhouettes. In these cases, nothing further is known, so there is no point asking. The artists took their last images to the grave, or in some cases became subjects for the Gallery themselves)

Page 1936 Other relevant wildlife, including vampire bats (Desmodus, Diphylla and Diaemus), the vampire squid (Vampyroteuthis infernalis), vampire catfish (Candirus), the tribe of leeches, and various vampire finches.

Appendix A Vampyrs in history from 1520 onwards

Appendix B Notes on good First Aid practice, and how to qualify as a Council First Aider

Appendix C A tabulation of the efficacy of various religious paraphernalia with respect to Defence Against Vampires, and a note of the best churches to visit for supplies.

Appendix D A report from Watcher X, who preferred to remain anonymously incarcerated at Council headquarters after being turned by The Master in 1922, until his merciful impalement in 1946. Watcher X makes observations on the inadequacies and limitations of the material contained in Vampyr, speaking from the point of view of a vampire. The fang marks in the top right hand corner of the front cover are his.

For Vampires in art, culture, media and sport, see Vampyr II.

For Vampyrs in literature, see Vampyr III


The Archivist welcomes new contributions to the Vampyric oeuvre, but inclusion in this volume is restricted to those pieces of scholarly work that genuinely add to the sum of the Council’s knowledge.

Footnote : Vampyr is suitable for use in Key Stage III testing of Slayers on their 18th birthday.


Jo
July 2008
Tags: 101 welcome to the hellmouth, fiction
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  • Welcome to Sunnydale!

    And here's a closer look at the first two episodes. How well do you feel they stand up to the ::gulp:: eighteen years since they were filmed? What do…

  • And we're off!

    Here we are, folks, ready to begin the Great Buffyverse Rewatch of 2015. To begin at the beginning... This is intended to be as inclusive as…

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